I got chris browned last night
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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