I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize