We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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