wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize