If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
