Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so that wasnt chicken after all
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
