found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
