ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
