Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize