i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i've created a new STD.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize