need another drink. this is the easiest way
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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