Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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