last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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