I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
