it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
