Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
