When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
