Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
