I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
