We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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