Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
