coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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