that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
