Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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