Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
