Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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