My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize