first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
