I don't usually arrange sex via text message
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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