The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize