turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
