Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
