I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
