I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im holly from the hills drunk
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
