You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
