Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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