the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got inside last night via doggy door
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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