He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
