KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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