"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She told me I should be a condom model.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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