Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
