Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
