So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
