I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
