I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize