cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
