You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
