Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
