We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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