"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
