He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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