This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
