He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
