I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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