He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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