Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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