If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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