So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
