he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
