Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
