You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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