suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
