Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
