He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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