Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
