i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
