ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
