He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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