The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
