i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
