guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would ride that face into the sunset
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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