I can text with my tongue
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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