Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize