I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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